Friday, October 27, 2006

October 21, 2006, Southbound Off the Coast of Baja on the Serenade of the Seas

Dominic was brought into my life to give me some incredible sexual excitement and very close personal companionship. The way our relationship began, the timing of it at the end of a mostly solo two-week sexual and scenic whirlwind, makes it seem like he was particularly put into my life for these reasons. I’ve always maintained that one of his strongest attributes was that he was always willing to do whatever and whenever anything I wanted to do. He was always there for me.

And still is.

But he’s not with me on this cruise, which I originally booked for the two of us. It was my decision to exclude him but this evening, on the first night out, I’m feeling lonesome and evil.

Nonetheless it was the right decision; a little tough, but the right one.

There is no reason why I should feel bad, but I do. Our relationship in the past four and half weeks since he returned from Florida deteriorated to the point where I no longer feel committed to a future with him. These problems have been going on for a long time before that trip.

He thinks the problem is my blowing up where I maintain I blow up because it’s the only way to communicate with him. It was just yesterday where he said this was what he hated about his growing up and he agreed that it is what he’s familiar with but I have no confidence that his saying this won’t take more blowing up in order for him to understand something.

Our relationship was not progressing. Despite therapy, lengthy discussions, separate places to live, communication was not getting any easier. The right words may have been said but the actions failed to live up to them.

I feel bad because I miss him and his companionship and because I took away something he wanted. I could have brought him along but I’m ready to move on. I’m not giving up, well, I am giving up, I have given up, on the relationship, but not the friendship.

I’ll leave open the possibility of a future together but I’m not looking for it.

So in the meantime despite feeling bad I need to turn these feelings around and look at the glass half-full: I have time to myself to slow down and meditate, read, watch a few movies; I’m on a boat full of men where I may make some new friends or something else; I’m healthy, attractive, with a great supportive network of friends and family including one on the boat; and my future, despite being almost 54, has a lot of great things coming: the house, job, family gatherings, trips with Dominic . . . other dates.

The feelings of lonesomeness and of having taken away something from someone, well, I’ll get over them. It’s stupid to let them get the better of me when I’ve got all these other things going on.

For right now, I am going to move on and just enjoy being with myself.

October 22, 2006 Southbound off Mainland Pacific Mexico

I was feeling hungry as I watched the servers bring out the cheeseburger and fries. But these plates were not for me even they were headed my way and this is what I had ordered. I caught the servers’ name tags as Nadim from India told Diego from Chile to take the food to another man opposite me across the deck. I would have to wait a little longer.

While I waited I looked back over the children’s pool. A bunch of guys, in their 30’s and 40’s, were sliding down the flumes of the children’s pool. The noise of a children’s pool was missing, it was eerily quiet for an active play area. The boys were also quiet, I think I was expecting a few shrieks here and there, I mean, how often do men their ages, probably liquored up, go down a water slide? Show me some feeling guys, you’re on vacation.

The boys had taken over a ship for a gay cruise and for eight days this is what it was probably going to be like to live in a gay man’s world. The staff of a big corporation, from all over the world, was catering to a clientele that was 99 percent gay. For eight days their world was at our feet. Their training and livelihoods was focused on how well they satisfied us and they were taking us on an exotic vacation liberated from the cares of everyday existence and putting us all together in luxurious close quarters.

Wow, a gay mans’ nirvana.

October 23, 2006

“We’ve been counting the days till you got here. Two cruises to go, one cruise to go, I’ve been looking forward to this, the energy you guys have, the parties, the music.” The skin technician was positively beaming as she said this.

As I was getting my first facial Emma couldn’t contain herself even though I’d asked her to explain every step of what she was doing to my face. The screening form asked what I’d hoped to get out of the facial and I put down “an education” but Emma was eager to explain what she’d hoped to get out of us.

Men holding hands with abandon, shirtless men kissing in corridors or while waiting for elevators, in the pool and Jacuzzi. Outfits on them that the staff were not accustomed to, especially those from third world countries. Let me leave out the outrageous parts until I’ve experienced them first hand but I’m sure that is part of the expectation and reality of a gay cruise.

I’ve heard that the alcohol consumption on a gay cruise increases four times and the food consumption halves as compared to a regular cruise. The hours and routines of a gay cruise ship are reversed from the normal.

After two and a half days at sea their world, and ours, had completely inverted itself.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Origato (Obrigado)

Pulled into the port town of Santos, Brazil, this morning. The boat shakes when the motors are reversed but I somehow managed to sleep through it while dreaming I was back in California during an earthquake.

The day before, Mario and I had a wonderful time at a island in Porto Belo. We had a little lunch, walked around the beach, and I went into the water for a long swim. When I got back I found Mario surrounded by angels: four crew members of the ship´s dance team had parked themselves around him in their bikinis sunning themselves.

They were so quiet and didn`t move, oblivious to us. Even though we talked in Spanish I didn`t assume they couldn`t understand. We ended up taking a bunch of pictures, how often do angels come and lie by you?

This is the power of the digital age. Later that night I shared them with Emily, the ship´s late night purser, and a fellow traveler, Roger. Emily and Roger are both from the Phillippines, and when we gather late at night, we share stories. I was walking around with my laptop last night and they both asked to see what pictures I had taken that day.

They were both floored. Roger put one picture on my screen saver and Emily, a married woman with a husband in the Phillippines, wanted a copy of some of the angels. I flipped the CD out of my computer and gave it to her. Meanwhile, Glen, an Atlantis staff person who shares the counter with Emily, also wants to see the pictures.

So, these guys pictures are around the world by now and all they thought they were doing was taking a nap.

Found a fast computer this afternoon where we can send pictures. The two pics are me with Ariel, and the Mary Kay cocktail party back in Buenos Aires. Unfortunately, I didn`t bring the CD with the pictures of the angels with me so you can put them on your screen saver.

andrecito in Brazil


I saw something I have never seen in my jaded life. Twice now street kids stopped traffic to perform acrobatic tricks for money from the motorists and pedestrians. In Ipanema a kid did a sideways somersault over another at least 5 feet in the air as he held a rope over it and the third kid stopped traffic.

Two guys downtown stepped in front of the fast lane of traffic and one got on top of the other guys shoulders and started juggling.

And last night at around 11 pm Mario stepped into the streets of Rio. We are at the dock area of downtown, there are warnings from everyone what not to do, including the fact that this is not the safest place. But with an empty ship, everyone either going to a circuit party somewhere (yawn) or the 7 hour sambadromo lasting till dawn (when do we sleep) what were we to do but throw our carnavale masks to the wind and venture out.

I said to Mario, let´s just stick our heads into the streets and see what we find, as I finished my second margarita.

Bob was upstairs having cocktails and MJ was probably still sleeping.

The street was dark, we were told conflicting stories about activity nearby but I couldn´t hear any drumming so I wasn´t sure. There was a light rain. Mario wanted to turn back but it felt okay, as long as we walked fast and didn´t look too much like tourists and didn´t carry a lot of cash or valuables.

So we walked fast and then started hearing the drumming.

Soon enough we walked into a gathering of thousands of people congregating for the start of a parade. There were about a half dozen samba schools, but it wasn`t moving. It wasn´t a fancy parade with big floats and lavish costumes. It was more a working class parade, but the drumming and percussion was there. And the enthusiasm was infectious. People dancing all over, people watching and partaking. Lots of kids, carnavale is a family event, and spontaneous outbursts of song and dancing common.

I was able to buy a red glittery wig and mask to go with my wings and red bikini for the gay parade Tuesday.

But otherwise Mario and I got into it, joining the throngs of each samba school and shaking with other dancers. I bumped with one of the mulatto women vendors.

At one point the rain became heavy. Didn`t slow anything down. It is so hot and humid the rain is a relief.

Beats sitting at the sambadromo for 8 hours and we got to bed by 2!

andy in rio!


Speed writing

The internet connection says I have 16 minutes left before it explodes or something so I will have to speed write.

Taking the shuttle bus from the dock to the beaches we passed a bunch of floats lining up for carnival. The dock is near the Sambadrome, where each of the samba schools get an hour each night to parade, get on television, and be judged. It is a three day affair that starts at 10 each night and lasts for 6 hours.

And where tickets cost 275 unreserved. As we drove by they did look very colorful and were all being pushed by hand--they were as big as rose parade floats.

I think I am going to just go to some parade and don my red bikini and 99 cent store pink butterfly wings and parade behind some samba school. In case you missed that, nothing else. This is a rare thing for me. There is a gay on Tuesday afternoon.

The question is, which event shall we go to, and can we stay awake?

On probably the busiest day of the year here, Sunday before Carnival, the beach at Ipanema was, well if you have pleasant images of the song Girl from Ipanema, throw that out the boat.

I was looking for words to describe the scene when MJ said it was more like Mexico´s Chapultepec Park at the sea.

Even in the water the bodies were everywhere.

MJ and Bob have reached their saturation of all the parties and foreign countries. They are leaving two days early. I guess the party has to end sometime. He barely made it to the beach today and we were all back on the bus after only 3 hours.

The White Party was last night, after all. I thought it was a bit much to do the White Party, Atlantis´ biggest party, the night before the ship arrives in Rio for Carnavale.

But they did, and it was packed. Every crew member of the ship that could be there was. The Captain even got into it. Twice he blew the ships horn for an incredibly long time, around 1:40 am, with a short toot after each long blow.

I´m running out of time.

andy in humid and hot and humanity ridden Rio


Fat Tuesday


Eat all you can today, it’s Fat Tuesday. Carne Larvae, or something like that, shortened to carnavale, is the Latin derivative for eating of the flesh. Or, eat meat now before giving it up for Lent tomorrow. And throughout ancient history the act of indulging in meat and other fleshy endeavors today is well established.

With that spirit in mind Mario and I we ended up at the Sambodromo last night despite my misgivings about the crowds, cost, time of night, etc. But more on this later.

We started Monday morning looking for an internet cafĂ© and money exchange. Downtown by the pier, and most of Rio, is closed till maybe Wednesday or Thursday, I don’t know which. Some neighborhoods have local stores open but we couldn’t find anything at 11 am by the docks. But we did find a lot of floats used for the big parades at the Sambodromo.

The drab architecture of the streets contrasted with the bright and gaudy floats being pushed either away from or to the Sambodromo. The floats that were in last night’s parade were worn out and torn in places. We saw a few big pieces left in the streets The ones for tonight’s parade were mostly covered up. There were people everywhere pushing and directing them.

Giving up I went back to our 5 star floating luxury hotel now located in a seedy neighborhood. Someone remarked to me one night, “it has a great few of the highway.” Our room was on the harbor side.

Later that day we ventured by Metro to a neighborhood where the City tourist office said was going to be a carnavale event. It was more like a street party, no percussion, samba schools, just a lot of people gathered around a small square drinking and singing and dancing. Many straight men were in some form of drag; apparently it is a carnavale custom for men to switch roles (we have photos). Women were of various costumes, but mostly people were not dressed and just hanging out.

Getting back on the Metro we got off at the Cinelandia station where Mario heard was gay neighborhood and thought there might be movie theaters there (read into this, remember Montevideo). It is the location of the Municipal Theater and a stage where people got up in their costumes and paraded around or lip-synced for a few minutes.

But all around this public square were a few thousand people, many in elaborate costumes, singing, dancing, or performing some routine, presumably for their turn on stage. It was quite a costume show and with the grandeur of the Municipal Theater as a backdrop made for quite an atmosphere. And mostly male groups wore the elaborate costumes—straight.

We had heard that cheap tickets could be bought for the Sambadromo but weren’t sure. When we talked to our favorite French somnomellier on the ship last night he was able to get some there for 30 US, so without hesitation Mario and I were going to see if we could get something. At least we would hang out by the Sambadromo and soak up the atmosphere.

It was too easy, walked out the pier dock and a taxi cab driver approached us with two tickets to section 13, and a taxicab for 75. Total. We were very suspicious, but it helps to speak Spanish. Portuguese is close enough. We checked the tickets he showed us, and after we had agreed and taken us to his cab, he showed us his license, picture ID, matching ID. It felt okay.

It was an incredible human mass of energy. Yes there were the costumes, the floats, the music, drumming, percussion, and Vegas flashiness, but the energy of the thousands of dancers, and the audience watching them, was incredible. It had started at 10 and goes to 6. We got there around midnight and the audience was up and shaking or dancing and waving to the parade. The enthusiasm and pure human energy was indescribable.

Now if I can have enough energy to put on my red bikini, wig, mask, and feather ear ring and dance in the gay parade tonight. I’m trying to find time to take a nap.

We leave Rio tomorrow. This may be the last entry. Let me know.

I’m giving it all up for Lent . . .



IMAGES FROM A DAY AT SEA


It was a fairly quiet day on the Insignia, probably because Mario and I were catching up on sleep having gone to bed after 4am the night before after staying up late to see the carnivale parade in Punta del Este.

Lest you think we missed much, however, let me describe the following:

I was dancing this afternoon at the classic disco t-dance on board the ship. Many of the guys were dressed for the occasion in polyester, bright Afros, shiny pants and shirts, or barely dressed at all. Donna Summer, Martha Walsh, Sylvester and other classic dance divas were singing in the late afternoon as the ship left the Rio Platt and rolled into the Atlantic.

I caught up with MJ and Bobby and some of their friends on the dance floor. Mario dragged out the camera and captured a classic MJ, er, outfit. Some of us had had a nap before the t-dance and some of us needed a nap after the t-dance, a pre-dinner nap, so to speak, or a pre-night disco nap for the rest of the evening. An Atlantis cruise is never quiet.



I’m in the ship’s library tonight, which overlooks the same outdoor deck where the afternoon’s t-dance was. Now it’s contemporary dance music and the lights and music pierce the library windows. The library walls are thumping to the beat as the first gay cruise to South America pierces the Southern Atlantic Ocean night with its rhythms and visual effects.

This is one of my favorite images of these cruises: a vessel at sea shattering the vastness of an ocean with its intense light and music and carrying on its top deck multitudes of gay men shaking and dancing.

Arising from the ship’s chambers like vampires at midnight, we have emerged to partake in the gay ritual. On cruises like these it is not just the youngins that partake, all ages sooner or later come to the party.

I’ve moved with my laptop from the library to the restaurant adjacent to the dance floor. It’s kind of a ludicrous image, me in the dark on a table in the restaurant at the edge of the dance floor looking at a bright computer screen while the music and lights bump away. I may typin’ but I’m also shakin’.
WHERE THE RIO PLATA MEETS THE ATLANTIC -- Gay Cruising

Thump'a thump, bump ta bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, a bump, a bump, a bump . . .

As the ships tender approached the dock at Punta del Este, Uruguay, we heard this drumming in the distance. We were told they were having an early carnival in town and everyone on the boat wondered if the drumming was coming from it.

11.30 outside this internet office and the streets are crowded with dancers and drummers of all ages and costumes and the sidewalks filled with people watching and shaking to the beat. The costumed old ladies and children in the parades look especially cute and the paraders are mostly women. The younger women are in bikini outfits and heels, how long can they go in those shoes?

It is a constant infectious beat which I am told will go on all night although the internet office closes at midnight. Doesnt anybody work tomorrow?

I am staring outside the window and besides hearing the music I can see flashes of costumes and large colorful flags being waved in the street.

A large silver fabric crescent moon just ambled by.

Mario and I had an adventure, with photographs, in Montevideo before we left yesterday. Details to follow but let me leave you with this:

I had to take a taxi and drive around town looking for him, including an adult movie house (that is a euphemism), while I kept the taxi waiting and poked my heard into various darkened rooms calling out, "Mario, Mario."

I almost missed the boat.

Like I said, I have photographs.

I need to get back to the streets.